“So what do you think?”
“About?”
“Her,” I prodded him.
“She’s not bad, son,” he replied. “She’s an attractive young lady. I see you inherited my good taste.” The thunder in his laugh made the birds that had been resting quietly in the trees around us fly away.
Pops and I were perched up against the wooden railing around the back porch, drinking Coronas and keeping a careful watch on the steaks and bratwursts that were grilling on his big BBQ pit out in the yard. It was mid-afternoon on Monday. From where I was standing, I was able to see the kitchen through one of the back windows, within which my moms and Kandyce were hard at work preparing the side dishes. I hadn’t been home in almost half a year, so I appreciated the relaxing setting and the chance to catch up with my folks. The quietness of Plano was a welcome reprieve from the boisterousness of downtown Dallas and Atlanta.
“How’s school, though?” Pops asked. “Everything’s good?”
“Yeah, yeah, things are fine,” I told him. “Midterms were kind of rough, but I made it through them. The frat’s good, too. Lloyd said hi.” Pops smiled at that. He and Lloyd’s father had grown up together in Georgia. Both of them were Kappas, too, making us, the sons, “legacy” members.
“Is that boy finally graduating this year?”
“Yeah,” I replied with a laugh.
“Bout time. I was seriously getting worried about him. I’m serious!” my father said, though he had started chuckling himself by now. “He was at GSU before you got there. It’s been about… damn near seven years, right?” He paused and took a sip from his beer. “What’s so special about this one, though?”
“This one?” I asked, and he tipped his beer in the direction of the kitchen. “Oh, Kandyce?”
—
“Y’all just raised him really well, honestly,” I said, unable to contain a smile as I answered Mrs. Lyons’ question. “He’s a total gentleman with me. And on campus, Graham’s such a great leader. He commands respect wherever he goes. People look up to him.” I looked up at her from the black eyed peas I’d been rinsing in the sink and grinned. “Y’all just really raised him well, Mrs. Lyons.”
“Oh, honey, please,” Mrs. Lyons started, her accent causing her to pronounce words that ended in the letter with “y” or “u,” with an “uh” (“honey,” for example, came out like “hon-uh,” and “you” like “ya-uh”). “Call me Charlene.” She was chopping up potatoes and bits of egg white on kitchen island counter, hard at work on making a potato salad. “By the way, honey, would you mind passing me that jar of mustard from inside the fridge? Thank you, baby.”’
“So, you’re from Houston, right?” Mrs. Lyons asked, and I looked up and nodded at her with a smile again. “Why’d you come all the way out to Georgia for school, if I may ask?”
“I just wanted a change of scenery,” I confessed. “I had spent most of my whole life in Houston and Texas up until college. My family never really traveled outside of the state until my father got re-married, and even then, those trips were always to the West Coast, like to Los Angeles and Seattle. But I’d never been to this part of the country before. So when GSU accepted me and offered me a good scholarship, I had no hesitation.”
“Hmm. A young lady who takes matters into her own hands. I like that.” Mrs. Lyons said, chuckling to herself. “Reminds me of me a little bit. What are your umm…” She stopped mid-sentence and looked up, as if she was literally looking in the air for the right words to say. When she’d found them, she started back up again. “What are your intentions with my son, Kandyce?”
“What do you mean, ma’am?” I asked.
“I mean, do you see yourself being with him for a while? You ARE a senior, right, so that means you’ll be graduating?”
—
“Yep, she’ll be graduating,” I called down to Pops, who had went down into the yard to turn over the steaks and sausages. “But honestly, I hope she sticks around. If it was up to me, hell yeah, Pop, she’d still be with me after May. She’s a good catch.” He looked up at me, a thoughtful expression on his face, then nodded. With his head, he motioned for me to come out into the yard and meet him, and I heeded his request.
“Well, obviously, something’s special about this girl,” Pops said. “I mean, you brought her home to meet us. You haven’t brought a girl to meet us since you were in high school. The selection out there is that bad, son?” I’d had to laugh at that.
“Yes and no, Pop,” I admitted. “It’s some good girls at GSU, but more often than not, even the good girls have a bad side that makes them not worth introducing them to the most important people in your life.”
“Well, son, I know you take after your old man. We talked a little bit about young ladies and such. Are you sure you can commit to her?”
“I’m positive I can,” I told him. “I already am. We’ve been together since Valentine’s Day, Pop. She makes it easy for me not to stray just being herself. She makes me think harder about stuff than I normally would. Every action I take, especially when it’s an action taken around girls, I think second and third thoughts just to make sure I’m not doing something I think would hurt her. We even talked about my bad habits with girls before we got together. Kandyce doesn’t hold my past against me at all.”
“Hmm, well,” Pops began, taking another sip of his Corona, “what about Harley?”
“Man, Pop…”
—
“Harley?” I repeated, unable to keep a confused expression from making its way upon my face. I felt my eyebrow furrow. Graham had never mentioned that name before, I couldn’t help thinking. I wonder why…
“Yes.” Mrs. Lyons took a deep sigh before continuing. “Graham and Harley are childhood friends. They grew up together out here in Plano. Went to the same elementary school and same high school.” In my mind, I exhaled. Okay, so maybe it’s not as big a deal as I thought. I thought I heard her mumble something else, but I didn’t catch it. I tried to remain focused and drained the black-eyed peas, then put them on the stove, turning the oven onto medium-high.
“You seem to know your way around the kitchen,” Mrs. Lyons remarked with a small smile. “That’s a good thing.” I returned her smile.
“Yeah, after my birth mother died, I sort of took it upon myself to learn how to cook. Figured it would come in handy one day, especially since my stepmother couldn’t cook at all.”
“I’m sorry to hear that,” Mrs. Lyons said.
“Don’t be,” I told her. “That was a long time ago, when I was three years old. She lives on in me, and I’m thankful for that.”
—
“I’m merely saying, son,” Pops continued. “Y’all look great together.”
“Kandyce and I?” I asked, more to make a point than out of general inquiry. My dad gave me a chastising look out of the corner of his eye as he drained the last of his beer.
“Y’all look good, too,” Pops conceded, “but not as good as you and Harley did, DO when y’all are together at the same time.”
“Pop, we haven’t been ‘together at the same time’ since senior prom. Which you know, since you’ve conveniently kept the damn picture of us in the foyer.” That shit still annoyed me. High school had been pretty much three years ago, but Pop had wanted to keep that picture on display. Like it actually meant something.
Harley was a good friend, don’t get me wrong. And as is usually the case with friends who grow up together, I had liked her once. But Harley betrayed me and I don’t do forgiveness very well at all. Once your”‘friends” show you their true colors, you adjust your spectrum accordingly. That was another Graham-ism. Harley hadn’t singlehandedly inspired that one, but she’d certainly proved it right. I’d told Pops the story behind her, too, but he still seemed obsessed with the two of us being together. One day, he’d accept that, I thought to myself. Hopefully sooner than later.
“Well, that doesn’t change the fact, again, that y’all DO look good when you are together,” Pops rambled on. “And since you hadn’t been home in so long, I figured Harley would want to see you.” WHAT?! “I was hoping to surprise you, son, but since you’ve brought this girl here, it’s probably better for me to tell you now. Son… I invited Harley over to join us for dinner tonight. I’m sure the two of you will be very happy to see each other. The Kandyce girl might end up liking her, too.”
Somewhere on a porch in Plano, Texas, a Corona beer bottle fell on purpose, literally shattering the peaceful silence.
—
Apprehension.
What the hell is she doing here? Philip, this is not appropriate-
We’ll be fine. Trust me.
Hi, Graham! Man… how long has it been?! And you are-
This is Kandyce White. She’s my girlfriend.
Awkward introductions. A hand tried to extend, but only nods were exchanged. You tell yourself there’s no competition, but that does nothing to take away from the fact that this other girl is here. Threatened.
Eating. This sausage is really big but delicious. Not to be taken out of context.
Would you pass me the peas, Charlene?
They’re pretty good, Mama. Gotta admit I missed that home cooking!
Well, I can’t take all the credit. Kandyce certainly helped in preparing the peas.
They’re alright. Say, do you remember, Graham, when you were younger, how Harley used to come over all the time to help your mother bake cakes?
He laughs. Hard to tell if it’s laughter at the memory or laughter in my face. Attempts to turn the conversation in a more positive direction.
So Harley, how’s school going?
Not too bad, sir. I definitely had to step my game up when it came to doing course readings, though.
I could’ve told you that, darling. A Ph.D. program is always substantially challenging.
Ph.D. program?
Envy. At the program but also at the fact that she got his attention. Struggling to discern whether his question is an innocent inquiry or an impressed one.
Kandyce, aren’t you interested in going to pharmacy school, though?
Pharmacy school?! Wow. I couldn’t do it. I’ve never been the best at numbers and organization.
Well, she hasn’t been accepted yet. But she definitely ‘bodied’ her PCAT.
You young people and your slang. I can’t keep up. I remember when I was safe just knowing the difference between “tight” and “bunk.” But there are a lot of people trying to go into the doctoral field right now. Especially with all this discussion regarding President Obama and how he might be trying to get universal healthcare…
Pop.
I’m just putting it out there. The way the economy is right now, isn’t it better to be in a position where you KNOW you can get a job?
With all due respect, sir, a Ph.D. might not guarantee ME a job.
Irony. The other girl caught it, too. Silence.
Small talk about the Dallas Mavericks having their best chance yet to win a championship as we ate.
Well, everyone seems to be done. Honey, would you mind helping me clean some of this up so I can serve dessert?
Exhale. At least the mom likes me. The clinking of silverware and the good china. Glasses refilled. Homemade lemon meringue pie that may not be cool enough to extinguish the fire in the other room. Returning to chaos.
Pop, this shit is real disrespectful. Like, this is not cool and you KNOW it’s not cool…
Maybe I should go.
No, no. Stay, Harley. You’re my invited guest. And if my SON can’t honor that-
Your SON is more worried about honoring his girlfriend! You know, the one I actually have as opposed to the one you’re trying to create for me.
With all due respect, sir, Graham is right. I admit, I still think about it at times, but…
About what? Fucking the running back?
Philip Graham Lyons, the Second!
Why are you still worried about the past, son? The past is passed. You can’t change any of that.
No, but I can learn from it. I’m not going to sit here and let you paint this picture of Harley like she’s perfect or some shit! Kandyce is a damn good girl.
I never said she wasn’t.
I really should go.
You shouldn’t have been here in the first place! And I mean that in the most respectful way possible, Harley, I promise. My Pops is lost in a damned dream world thinking that we’ll get married or something.
Remorse. The look on Harley’s face says what she refuses to. Men being men. Each side so focused on winning the battle that they ignore the casualties.
I invited her here for you, son. You know deep down that Harley is a good girl, too. But don’t think for a second that Kandyce is as innocent as she appears, either. For all you know, she may hurt you one day, too. Worse than Harley did. I’m just saying, don’t be blind, son.
Graham, Mr. and Mrs. Lyons… thank you, and I appreciate the meal, but I’m going to leave now. Kandyce, it was nice meeting you.
Philip, do you realize what you just did?
I told the boy the truth! He doesn’t seem to understand that any girl is capable of doing wrong to you.
Like me, too, Philip? Am I included in that?
Of course not, baby. But these young girls today are on something else. I wouldn’t put it past any of them to do something reckless. And I refuse for my son to be duped in the name of “liking somebody.” Son, I understand you care about this girl, but I just want you to keep an open mind.
Graham, baby, I am so, so sorry this happened tonight, and during this family dinner, too…
Hurt. In the same way that the sound of a beer bottle broke a gentle stillness earlier today… Graham’s silence is louder than everyone else in the room.
Disaster.
—
I open the bathroom door to total darkness, outside of blue streaks that are peeking through the curtains as a result of the moonlight. I slowly slip on my underwear and a bra, then run the towel over my head once again to dry my hair. An hour has passed since the dinner gone wrong, and even though I’ve taken a shower, I still feel like I haven’t washed away the remnants of all that happened. Graham is lying in the bed, hands behind his head, looking out at the curtained window. Remaining true to his form at dinner, Graham doesn’t say anything to me when I sit on the bed. I lay down. There is a small but noticeable space between the two of us; I wonder if it’s as figurative as it is literal.
Without warning, Graham wraps an arm around my shoulder. I don’t pull away because there’s something safe in his touch. It’s ironic. The person who caused me to feel this way is the same person I’m seeking my solace in. He runs his fingers through my hair.
“I’m sorry, baby,” he whispers.
“For?” I don’t actually want an answer. I just want to see if he can admit to what he did.
“Tonight. My pops… he was out of line.” Just your father? Really, Graham? “He’ll grow to like you. He’s just… he likes to have things his way. I love him, but he’s really a selfish old man.”
“And Harley.” He sighed deeply like he didn’t want to talk about her, but he should have known I’d bring her up. I needed the clarification. I DESERVED the clarification. “What about her?”
“She’s just a friend. We grew up together.”
“I’ve heard that part already.”
“Look, babe, let’s not fight over this, alright? All we ever did was go to prom together. That’s it. You want me to say I liked her? I did. Once. A long time ago.” Seems like you always have a thing for someone “a long time ago.” How long ago is a long time ago? I hated myself for feeling so suspicious about him. All I can say is
“Okay.” His hand travels down from out of my hair and traces a soft line from my shoulder down to my elbow. He leans over and kisses me on my neck once. Twice. He rises up off his side of the bed and closes the distance between us, slowly lifting a leg and lowering it on the other side of me so he’s on top of me. I’m unresponsive, somewhat. My body warms up even though my heart seems to have gone cold.
“I’ma make it up to you,” he whispers in my ear. He bites down softly on it. Against my better judgment, an “hmm” escapes my closed lips. He leans back for a minute and grins at me, the sound having given him evidence that I wasn’t completely oblivious to him. He leans in and kisses me on my cheek. Makes his way over to my lips. Hungry kisses that I struggle in vain against.
“Graham,” I say, finally breaking away from him. “This is your parents’ house.”
“True, but this is my room. And you’re my guest. They won’t mind.” His smile flashes in the darkness. He kisses me deeply once again, then crawls backwards, his fingers tiptoeing down my legs, then tiptoeing back up to my hips. He kisses me in the space between my breasts. Kisses me just below where my bra ends. Kisses, sucking slightly, my pierced navel.
“Graham, stop,” I say softly. Both of his hands are on my hips now. In the darkness, I see him lick his lips. Even as my words voice an objection, my body is all but willing to consent to what he intends to do to me. He crawls back up to me and kisses me deeply again, his hands traveling down my stomach, his fingers playing with my piercing.
“Graham,” I say, more forcefully this time. I reach down and pull his hand away before it reaches its intended destination, knowing that if I had let him start anything, I probably wouldn’t have been able to break away. “No.”
“Damn, baby, come on!” Graham grunts. He tries to pull his hand out of mine, but doesn’t put all his force into it. He must think I’m playing. That thought gives me just enough to strength to push him off of me. He tumbles away to my left side, a look of absolute shock on his face. I’m sorry, but at the same time, I’m not. No way we’re screwing, I think to myself. Not in your parents’ house, and especially not after what happened at dinner.
“So it’s like that?” he asks, the anger apparent in his voice even as he’s laying there still beside me. “Okay, Kandyce. Okay. I was trying to enjoy this last bit of time with you before you leave tomorrow, but apparently, that feeling’s not mutual.” He climbs out of the bed, puts on the robe that was draped across a nearby chair. “I’ll see your stingy ass in the morning.” He leaves the room, slamming the door shut behind him.
Kandyce, what have you done? The right thing. Only part of me believes that’s true. In an effort to clear my head, I walk over to my purse and take out my iPod. I expect Lauryn Hill to soothe me and restore some order to this chaotic night. I lean back on the bed and put in the earbuds.
“… You was on the wall/ I was with my crew/You was watching me, ba-by/ I was watching you/ Slowly you walked o-ver/ I main-tained my cool…”
It turned out to be Beyonce’s song “Yes.” My damn iPod betrayed me. But Beyonce’ would have to do. She wouldn’t quiet the storm inside of me by any means, but she would have to do. I felt a lone tear leave my eye as the singer wailed along on the slow beat.
“… I said yes, we can be together/ Yes, you can stay with me/ But when I say not tonight/ You actin’ so ungratefully/ It’s like the first time I said ‘no,’/ It’s like I never said yesss…”
